The Biggest Dead Money

Hello, I’m back.

I’m still not sure what to do with my blog. For those not aware, I write from time to time on my personal blog, Nothing Special, Really. Although my poker blog is how most of you know me, I’ve maintained a personal blog for longer than I have this blog (I used to blog on MySpace before I moved the personal blog to blogger). So this blog has always been devoted strictly to poker (sometimes Fantasy Football). I intend to keep it that way.

I started this blog 3.5 years ago as a way to further build my skills as a poker play by incorporating some written analysis and commentary. I also started this blog to hopefully integrate myself into a community of people who shared my interest in poker but also seems like really cool people to get to know.

Over the past 3.5 years, I’ve semi-accomplished both. I’m a much better poker player now than when I was started, yet I declare that without any objective measure. I’ve also come to know several of those really cool people that I discovered, although I often feel like I’m nothing more than a long-tenured D-lister when I look at many of the relationships that have been forged within this community.

But overall, I started this blog as a tool to help me achieve a goal I set for myself back in 2006: to play in this year’s WSOP. Don’t ask me how maintaining a blog helps one play in the WSOP – I don’t know either. But that was the goal. It’s even part of my tagline and everything.

It’s 2010. This is supposed to be the year. Yet I severely doubt that I’ll achieve my goal this year. And I’m quite OK with that.

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My goal of playing in the WSOP this year was a horrible goal to set from the start. It’s a goal that has nothing to do with achievement. The goal is accomplished by doing two things: giving the WSOP the required amount for the entry fee and making sure I’m in Vegas for the tournament. It’s not a goal that’s achieved through hard work and determination but one obtained by financial luxury and a semblance of planning skills.

Had I been able to play in this year’s WSOP, accomplishing that achievement would have still be something for me to be proud of. As I’ve detailed numerous times over the course of this blog, I’ve been handcuffed financially for several years now, the result of poor debt management followed by nearly a year of unemployment. If I were to play this year, and do so in a responsible manner, it would have been the result of diligent financial planning. The truth is I could probably find the money to play this year, but it would hardly be responsible of me to do so.

The other reason it was such a horrible goal is that, should I play in the WSOP, my goal didn’t capture any sense of achievement thereafter. Would my goal feel accomplished if I just bought in and blinded out? Would I be satisfied with an exit only 30 minutes into the tournament? Am I happy with just playing even though I know I would feel overmatched? If that’s the case, there’s surely better uses for the $1000+ I would be blowing by playing instead.

I won’t say with certainty that I won’t make it – I’ve told myself that if I can work my online roll high enough to afford the trip without using a large amount of my own money, I’ll still do it. As of today, I’m sitting on $130 in my account, and the way things have been going, it’s looking pretty improbable this year. I still intend to make it to the WSOP, and play competitively, but I’ve accepted that this year probably won’t be the year.

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So where does that leave this blog? Well, I’ll still try to have things to post about that doesn’t involve the bad beat I suffered in my friend’s home game Tournament of Champions on Friday (abridged version: KK vs K2.) I’m still playing poker regularly, and even though there’s only so many ways to write about a $5 SNG in an interesting way (zero), it’s not like I’ve abandoned my blog because I’ve abandoned poker.

First, I need to figure out how much time and dedication I want to invest towards improvement as a poker player. I accept that I’ll probably never become as successful of a poker player as I wish I could be, but I should be able to dedicate some time to working on my game. My good looks have charm have gotten me this far but players are more resistant these days.

Second, I need to stop being such a recluse as a poker blogger. Three and a half years and I hardly know any of you. You’re all cool peeps, I’ve just been shy because A) I’m always an initially shy person by nature, and it’s hard to break from that when communication exists solely online and B) I tend to let my confidence in my poker skills (or lack thereof) prevent me from entering most actual poker discussions. This year, I just need to suck it up. I was pleasantly surprised to see how many comments I received in my last post, including comments from bloggers I didn’t know were following me. I’ll try to be more active this year.

Finally, I’ll be playing a lot more live games this year. I’m hosting a home game next weekend and I’ve actually got enough players that I need to get a second table. I’ve also met some people in the area who are also avid poker players, so I’ve got some friends to accompany me to the card rooms around here. Now that I’ve got a steady job and a bit more disposable income, I’ll be able to take a shot at these tournaments every now and then.

The content is there. The desire is slowly coming back. This blog is not dead, yet.

‘til next time.